thought time

Tonight is one of "those" nights. The kind of night that doesn't ever show up in a movie or a sitcom TV show. A night where you question what you're doing in life while you stare at the wall out of sheer boredom.

It's the perfect night to have conversations with yourself. To dream about what you want to do, to think back about good times, or to wonder about how things might have been.

In tune with the last option above, here are a few wonders crossing my mind's tracks tonight (presented in a weird questionnaire/response style!):

- What if I had grown up in a house with parents that were still together?
! I think I'd be less independent but may maybe more social. I've always felt like I missed out on some of the family dinners, full-family trips, and stupid nights of fun at home. In fact, I think tonight in particular would be much more fun with my siblings around. But I am who I am.

- Where would I be if I had not grown up in the quaint town of Dixon?
! Probably a Sacramento-esque town. Some mediocre part of that city. Can you sense the distaste I have for Sactown?

- Who would I be if I had not gone to that Ben Gibbard solo show at the Fillmore on May 18th, 2007? Or Coachella April 25th - 27th 2008?
! Since those were the two moments in my life that helped define me as a person (all via the love for music), I picture the no-Gibbard, no-Coachella Brendan as a frivolous teenager lost of all direction. He wears jean shorts and tacky graphic t-shirts from Anchor Blue in my mind.

- Where would I be going without San Francisco to fulfill my adventurous side?
! To not have had trips to SF as a child would also have to mean that my Dad never lived in the Bay Area while I was growing up. It's a lot to wonder about because he'd also be a completely different person. And thus I'd not have a city to love nor a father with crazy stories and super cultural hip-ness. I'd probably be staying around Dixon. I defined myself as a city for the "Who I Am" English project at the end of the school year, so I'm pretty sure I'd be depressed without SF. I'm a city dweller at heart.

I wish I had an acoustic guitar right now.
It's the one thing I find most exhilarating to explore when stuck inside at night.

(via Flickr)